I thought about letting these thoughts pass, then I took a deep breath and thought it was important to share. Someone out there in this big beautiful world may need it.
3 years sober. I stood out on Long Lake (pictured above) three years ago with a beer in hand, looked at Michael and said…”this is my last beer.”
Today, January 1, 2024. I have made it a full 3 years with zero alcohol. Not one drop. Damn. To be completely honest with you, it’s pretty amazing to me that I have followed through for this long. What comes to mind first?
Pride.
It’s quiet, not shouting from the rooftops proud, but quiet and reflectively proud that I loved myself that much over the last 3 years to not take a drink, and to attempt the best I could be without the alcohol.
It’s not as hard anymore, I do believe I have reached a point where I don’t crave “the drink”, I actually do not think about it much. Until life gets challenging, complicated and down right hard. This is where if I stop and pause to reflect, that is when that glass of wine or scotch made me feel so safe…well…so numb so that I didn’t have to really feel anything at all.
Now, I actually have to feel the things, and to be honest I don’t love that sometimes. It has made me slow down and find my own ways to regulate myself. I had to find the new path.
Don’t get me wrong, at times it is really really hard. I have other options for beverages or I find “my people” like Michael and my closest friends (many who also do not drink) who can be there with me. That pain, the complicated world doesn’t seem so bad when I do that. When I share space with them, sometimes with floods of tears and others with heaps of laughter I get through it. For that day, I got through and I didn’t drink.
As I walk this path now, and I reflect over these last few years there has been a constant for me. I go back to it regularly, and I share it with you today, as something for you to reach when things just feel too big, too much, or simply you feel like you have had enough of this complicated life.
The Three Tenets of the Zen Peacemakers.
These three steps were created by Roshi Bernie Glassman in 1994 and have been practiced all over the world by Zen teachers. This was first introduced to me by one of my yoga mentors and teachers, Elena Brower. These principles have been something for me to be mindful of every single day.
The Three Tenets:
Not Knowing: letting go of fixed ideas about yourself, others, and the universe.
Bearing Witness: to the joy and suffering of the world.
Taking Action: that arises from Not-Knowing and Bearing Witness
I share these with you to start to pay more attention to your own thoughts and behaviors as you walk this earth. In these tough and incredibly challenging times can you step back a bit and let go of any of the fixed assumptions and labels that you have about yourself or someone else, in other words being in a space of “not-knowing”?
When in challenging moments can I apply the skill of “bearing witness” to all sides, all judgements, and all stories that come up? To allow the space to feel all the feelings that will arise for me and the people around me.
Whoa, that one is a tough one at times!
The final principle being “taking action”, it is simply how to move forward in the most compassionate way possible. It is very possible that the course of action will be to remain sitting in my space of “not knowing” and “bearing witness” a bit longer before moving on. Or, after some time I have the ability to move through my situation with more ease and space because I honored the two previous tenets which allowed me grace to move on.
I do believe the access to this for me was opened wide once I was able to be sober. I was able to FEEL things again for the first time. When this opened up, I was able to move through these Tenets. I won't say it is easier by any means, if anything at times it is much harder. I feel things deeper, they may stick around longer, and I have to be aware and intentional. It was much easier to grab a glass (or bottle) of wine and allow the numbing to happen.
That is what I thought, until it was harder.
If there is anyone out there who has struggled or is still struggling with addiction my words to you are simple. I see you, I feel you, and I am sending you love. It is a hard road that we are all walking on. I am working on it daily. To be intentional about yourself is hard. To quit drinking for good is hard!
As my teacher and mentor Elena shares regularly.. “How human of you”.
How human of you. How human of me.
So, as this new year comes upon us, I send love and light to every single one of you. It is not easy. I am a constant work in progress. That is why I am sharing here with you today.
If you need tools, I have listed several sites and books below that I have found to hold so much truth, love, and light through my healing journey of sobriety and just life in general. I hope it helps. They worked for me, they may or may not work for you but I am a firm believer in a toolbox that is loaded with all the things!
These are just a sampling for you!
BOOKS:
We Are the Luckiest, Laura McKowen
Push Off From Here, Laura McKowen
Ordinary Wonder, Charlotte Joko Beck
The Way Forward, Yung Pueblo
Lighter, Yung Pueblo
The Practice is the Path, Tias Little
The Subtle Body, Tias Little
Softening Time, Elena Brower
WEBSITES:
The Three Tenets, Zen Peacemakers-this is just bookmarked and I read this all the time as a reminder!
The Luckiest Club, an online sobriety support group, a game changer for me in the beginning stages of my sobriety
Prajna Yoga Blog, My teachers and mentors Tias and Surya Little
Engaged Mentorship, Elena Brower-this year long mentorship is only happening for one more year and you can enroll up until January 8th.
Much gratitude to everyone who has joined me here!
Happy New Year! Happy 3 Year Anniversary to me! And, thank you all for being human with me! Man, thank you Elena for the phrase! It is a keeper!
BTW, if you have not visited Elena’s Softening Time Substack..go there now..after you finish reading this of course!
Namaste!