Bound

A boundary or a leap?

San Miguel de Allende, March 2025 - darcy schwerin

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Bound

I sit quietly on the patio, the sun incredibly warm and settling on my skin as I come to sit for meditation. It is so very different from the last few months. The warmth and the arid breeze feels comforting and healing. The cold damp world of winter has completely dissipated and my body thanks me through softening and allowing access to my breath. 

The word appears softly and quietly as I sit.

Bound.

It seems to be resonating through me.

To be technical for a quick second, this word has two almost opposing meanings, and ironically both of them graced my mediation today. The first meaning as a noun, means a limit or boundry and the second as a verb means leaping strides or movement upward.

In the actual physical sense, my tissues are so bound around my left breast and underarm. Radiation has done its work, it has created a bound tissue that does not give permission to open right now. This sensation scares me. I have always had the ability to move my body. Yoga allows my tissues to be fluid and open. Radiation stole that from me. Now, this particular part of my body feels bound, frozen in time, and unsure of how to move forward. I am bound to accept that I have to spend time here, I have to bring love and healing to this part of my body in a way that I have never done before. I listen deeper, attempting to understand this new story that has been burned into this tissue. 

It shifts from the physical a bit, bound to Cancer. Or better yet, bound to the story of Cancer….my story. Bound to what though? What is my story? I find that question arising A LOT lately. Something that I have to dig into a bit…very reluctant I will admit. I find that I can not answer this question.

I direct myself back to my breath, my mind does not need to play a role right now. My heart can help that question, and it does not have to be answered at this very moment. All I know is that my story feels really constricted and  bound up…curious…can there be permission to change that story?

Sensing my mind starting to take over, I consciously bring myself back to my breathing and in my heart, a sensation quickly radiates to Michael and my kids. This sense of the word is so vastly different, it feels like a warm hug that binds me and connects me internally to these three human beings that bring me pure joy. It is so funny how a word can hold so many variations. This particular variation has so much positivity, warmth and love to it. I want to stay here, I sink into that warmth and find it so magical how my breath expands, and I feel an opening in my heartspace that was not there at the start of my practice. 

Being bound to this life, this journey, this path…all the cliche ways of saying it fill my brain, and to be honest, I smile. It sounds like a cheesy self help book. It is true though, I am bound to who I am as a human, and what I find as I close out my meditation is that what is bound can be undone. This word slips away and the word unraveling comes flooding in. 

What is bound can be undone. Can I be undone?

Can I give myself that permission to unravel? 

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