I'm Fine.

Now there is a phrase....

I was thinking this morning after a crazy shift of getting kids out of bed, fed, packed up and out the door….and feeling the totally crazy overwhelm of life! I hopped into the car and my daughter turned to me and if I was ok.

“I’m fine!”

Huh, that is interesting to reflect on. Because, actually I was not fine. I was completely overwhelmed and taken over for a brief moment, and I was really annoyed by it. Was I annoyed because I think at some level that I “should” (that is another word we can explore in another post:)) be able to manage and not have these overwhelming moments? I mean, I just finished reading Ordinary Wonder: Zen Life and Practice, by Charlotte Joko Beck, so really I have it all figured out, right? Breathe, slow down….you will be…

JUST FINE.

I was not fine. And, I had an opportunity to really share with my daughter that was overwhelmed and feeling a bit anxious, but I didn’t. I actually felt a bit embarrassed and ashamed. We are conditioned to NOT share that, we are taught in one way or another to just push through…especially women. We all multi task like pros, right?

I think when we find that we are answering those questions with the phrase “I’m Fine”, we can take a breathe, and actually turn to that person with total brutal honesty and say, “nope, I lied. I am not fine. I am actually feeling really crappy right now.”

Give ourselves the permission to be able to feel and sense the actual yuckiness of it all and in that will slowly find some grace, and maybe even find a bit of joy. (So, I did actually learn quite a bit from Ordinary Wonder!) In all honesty, that is what I would like my kids to be able to do with complete confidence, if I ask them how they are, I hope they feel the safe space to be totally brutally honest with me.

We are living in a culture that really pushes hard to move through it! Push on, work harder, accomplish the next goal, win the next race, etc. This is to our detriment. We deserve to actually move through life with a bit of ease and grace, don’t you think?

I invite you, in that next moment, where that phrase flies out of your mouth in exacerbation you can slow down, and simply stop for a moment. Maybe you are, but if you are not…what would it feel like to take that chance and be honest? That person with you may be able to offer you something that you really need in that moment and you can begin to feel that grace and joy.

We are mostly NOT FINE these days. The world is very intense, the stresses on most of our lives are very high. Our kids have a whole different level of anxiety than any of us ever had when we were younger. So, change course, create space in your home to be able to let your partner, kids, and even friends know that you are embracing that you might not be FINE, and that is ok. You can feel it and work through that emotion and in the end be able to handle whatever is being thrown at you in a much healthier way.

Now, I am not saying this is a piece of cake by any means. It might actually kinda suck at first, we don’t really like sharing our struggles or our pain, but when we do it CAN be received and you can be supported.

It is a phrase that I am choosing to take out of my vocabulary. It is a work in progress, but we all have to start somewhere.