Unraveling
A journey to find Wonder
Unravel: (v) undo or to investigate, solve or explain.
This word appeared at the end of my meditation the other day and it seems to be stuck within me. It is a word that seems to be resonating with me at this current journey of my life.
As I think about the word, my first thought ... .oh hell yeah, I feel like EVERYTHING is coming undone, not only is my life a bit of a shit show, so is the rest of the world….EVERYTHING is coming undone these days.
As I thought about it and I looked up the definition of the word, it made me smile. The definition speaks of coming undone for sure, then it also says investigate, solve or explain.
Well, crap.
This word not only describes the coming apart, the idea of all things falling to pieces, it also describes going deeper to a space of what happened to get there, how to work with it and possibly find some resolution…or maybe just greater acceptance.
These last 11 months of my life I can say that mostly every aspect of my life unraveled. I say this not from a place of discontent, I say this from a place of acceptance and actually a place of Wonder. Don't get me wrong, the levels of frustration at times were very high, and I struggled…I am still struggling in ways that I have never experienced before.
This time, this experience of a cancer diagnosis did shift something deep in me. It has allowed me to unravel in a way that has made me want to investigate myself a bit deeper. I will never know why I got cancer or where it came from. That is terribly frustrating for me. I do know though that I could just accept it…or better said ignore it all and just move forward in my life as if nothing has happened, or I could unravel this experience to explore and investigate what it has given me so I could possibly discover something deeper and greater in myself. I would like to unravel a bit and find the better Human in me.
Ok, I ramble here but keep reading, it will come together…I promise.
I could just move on, but here is the thing, I am being given an opportunity to unravel into something greater so why not explore? Why not see what is underneath it all? Investigate?
In one of my favorite books, Ordinary Wonder by Charlotte Joko Beck, she writes:
“When we take a moment to become aware of what is underneath our thoughts, we begin to understand not just our minds but also our experiences. This is a crucial step of practice. This step is the only thing that works if we want to transform a life that goes chaotically from one struggle to another. We have to turn away from the sea of thoughts that we’re playing with and begin to really feel what’s underneath it. We have to be it.”
It is possible that I have read this passage about 100 times. Most of the time when I read it I sort of cringe, because to be honest, to sit in it is NOT comfortable at all and it takes a shit ton of work. I am sure everyone reading this would agree…when we are in the thick of life, who in the world really WANTS to sit down and feel all the emotions and energies flying through our Human bodies? Especially now, in the current state of the world…that sounds terrible.
Or does it?
I want to pivot quickly and explain “practice” for a greater awareness for everyone as to what that means. When I speak of practice this is what WORKS FOR YOU! For me, it is my meditation practice of sitting for a set amount of time. For you, this could be praying, walking quietly in the woods, journaling, etc. We all walk different paths of spirituality so finding the way that fits your world and your beliefs is the most important way to access your practice.
Back at it, when we allow the experiences we have the ability to feel ALL of it. At some point we are all going to experience the yucky, hard, and ugly. It could rear its ugly head at some of the worst times, so what would it be like to start to work through those experiences on your own…before they take hold of you and possibly take you to your knees?
“This ability to experience is what makes for an exciting human life, one that’s opening up. Fresh. Trees look different. People look different. As you embrace the suffering of life, the wonder show up at the same time. They go together.”
Ordinary Wonder by Charlotte Joko Beck
Look, this is a work in progress all the time! We are ALL HUMANS living very different Human lives. It is up to each of us to find that specific thing that works for us. We are going to stumble and fall on our faces ALOT as we unravel the pieces of our lives. I know that for me, I take this one step at a time and know that it is not going to be easy but the intrigue of finding the Wonder, the Joy in my own Human experience makes me want to unravel regularly.
I ask you to take a new look at the word Unravel. Hopefully this new view of the word can invite you to hold space for yourself in a new way as we all walk through a world right now that may not feel so great. Maybe for you, as you unravel a bit on your own Human journey you get to experience Wonder.
For today, I wish that for you all. Unravel and find your Wonder!
Oh man, ya. I've said it before, but it is especially relevant now. Cancer was one of my loudest teachers in my 74 years on this earth. It was an enormous tool for me to take a look deeper - much deeper - to thoughts and emotions that were buried, so routine I didn't even notice they were there. Until cancer. It slowed me down enough to pay attention and make time to do the work. The soundless void found in meditation, prayers, quiet walks in nature, inspirational readings all allowed the buried stuff to come to the surface for healing. Cancer was a catalyst for that exploration, allowing me to love myself free beyond those old barriers, and come out stronger. You are on your way dear friend. The journey continues. You are worth the effort. Much love Darcy.